Keep Grief Weird
Keep Grief Weird Podcast
Episode 9- Grief Brain
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Episode 9- Grief Brain

What does grief do to your brain?

Why (why, why, why) does grief take such a toll?

My clients ask this question in a variety of different forms: Why am I still so sad? Why do I keep forgetting that my loved one is really gone? Why am I so tired? Why can’t I seem to eat? Why is this so hard? When we are sent down the grieving path the difficulties that we encounter can sometimes be shocking. I remember the morning after my Dad died I woke up and for a couple of seconds didn’t remember what had happened. And then I had to remember again. Which meant I had to relive it. It was exceptionally cruel, but it had only happened yesterday so it made sense that I had forgotten. It was a shocking loss. And then the next morning it happened again. And again. And again. Every morning I had to reorient myself to the world, every morning I lost him again, every morning that loss took my breath away. What was happening? Why couldn’t I remember the most important thing that has ever happened to me? Why did I have to re-experience the loss again and again and again? How long was that going to last?

I wish that someone had told me at the time that grief is a learning process. And one that takes an incredible toll. That my brain was suddenly tasked with re-mapping itself and the world. That it was going to take a while. And that it was going to be ok.

We’ve talked before about how grief is like having a child. Grief is also like getting a graduate degree. When you get a graduate degree, you spend several (kind of brutal) years devoted to a single subject. You spend hours and hours listening and reading and taking notes and writing papers so that you can gain mastery. It’s hard and painful but you stick with it because it matters and because you are growing. Good and neutral things happen along the way and years go by but the main thing that you are doing is gaining mastery. Not so that you can be finished, but so you can integrate a new skill set into your life. Make it a career. Use it to enhance your life. Is it hard? Absolutely. Will it bring you to your absolute limit? Probably yes. Is it worth it? Of course. Every learning process is worth it.

But can you imagine how different grief would be if we valued it as much as we do education? If we supported grief students the way we support school students? Let’s do that.

Other things we talked about in this episode are: the difference between grief and mourning, Six Feet Under, how we tend to turn away from grievers because we don’t know the “right” thing to say, what integration can look like, and so so much more.

We also talked about all sorts of hilarity, including the fact that my first sentence on this here planet earth was, “You is a bozo!”

Tracy here! What a cutie you are here, MC!! I love Suz’s hair. Incredible!

Here’s the accidental theme song I wish I could talk to my Mom about but I get to experience it with my son, Cooper so that’s cool.

Instagram account we mentioned of really clever obits!

@theydidntdie

Discussion about this podcast

Keep Grief Weird
Keep Grief Weird Podcast
Welcome to "Keep Grief Weird," the podcast where we embrace the quirky, the unexpected, and the deeply personal sides of dealing with loss.