We all know the feeling — a favorite artist or actor passes away, and suddenly, it feels like we’ve lost someone we knew personally. But why do we grieve so deeply for celebrities we've never met? In our latest episode, we explore this question, digging into the emotional and cultural currents that drive our collective mourning.
Bear with us please, we start this episode with quite the ramble. We talk about Billy Joel, the controversy of the song “Only the Good Die Young,” Amy Winehouse, Avicii, and we discover live that we had no idea just how vast The 27 Club is. Seriously, go look. Thanks, Wiki!
Let’s talk parasocial relationships. Parasocial relationships are one-sided emotional bonds that people form with public figures, like celebrities, influencers, or fictional characters. While these figures don't know us personally, we feel a deep connection to them because they are consistently present in our lives. Whether it’s a musician whose songs have been a soundtrack to our lives, a TV character we’ve watched grow over several seasons, or an influencer who shares personal stories online, these relationships feel real and meaningful.
These relationships are normal! In fact, they tap into the same social and emotional processes that govern our interactions with people we know personally. Our brains are wired to recognize and respond to faces, voices, and stories, so even though we know logically that these figures don’t know us, the repeated exposure and emotional engagement create a sense of familiarity and attachment. And these relationships also offer us a lot! Parasocial relationships can provide comfort, inspiration, and a sense of connection, especially in moments when we might feel isolated or in need of a role model.
Can they become problematic? Yes. Everything can become problematic. We really only need to worry if our parasocial relationships start to replace real-life relationships or lead to unrealistic expectations about the nature of the connection.
And, we can lose parasocial relationships just like we can lose any of the other people in our lives. This grief is interesting. Like any other grief, our first impulse is to judge it. “I didn’t even know them! Why am I so upset?” But, parasocial grief, the sorrow we feel when a celebrity or public figure passes away is not only very real and important - it can also offer valuable insights into how we process grief for our real-life connections. When a famous person dies, the collective mourning we witness can mirror and even amplify the personal grief we’ve experienced or anticipate experiencing. It also gives us a chance to confront the universality of loss in a way that feels more safe — grieving someone we never personally knew, but who impacted our lives in meaningful ways.
Also, parasocial grief can shape how we approach grieving in our personal lives by providing a template for public expressions of sorrow. When we see others share memories, tributes, and communal expressions of grief online, it can help us find ideas, words and rituals for our own experiences of loss. It can also foster a sense of shared humanity, reminding us that grief is a common thread that connects us all, whether the loss is of someone close to us or a distant celebrity. This shared experience can encourage us to be more open about our feelings, seek support, and perhaps approach our own grief with greater compassion and understanding.
In other words, it’s a whole thing. We go through a whole list of the celebrity deaths that impacted us the most. You might be surprised that celebrity animals were at the top of our lists.
Among them Wally of Wally & Molly and Grumpy Cat.
We loved keeping grief weird with you. And we’d love to hear what this episode brought up for you! What celebrity death made an imprint on you? Did it help you process other grief that you’ve been through?
We would love to hear from you! How’s your grief? Message us here or at keepgriefweird@gmail.com, and tag us on Instagram @keepgriefweird and use our hashtag- #keepgriefweird to share your weird griefy things!
For our paid subscribers, here’s the video version of our podcast!
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!
